There Are Always Strings Attached, but I Refuse to Be Tethered

This is it; it's where the bourbon usually flows. Sitting on our front porch, music playing from the small speaker, sitting in a rocking chair, without a care in the world. In fact, I am convinced there is no greater place in the world. It's not about where we live, though. I do like our location; in the country but close to the city. The best of both worlds. But it's more than that. It's not where we are but who we are with. Even more importantly, it's who we are. Are we living our truth? Are we truly happy? Are we where we want to be, not just physically but mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially? You get the picture. As I get older, I have recognized that we all measure our happiness and success in different ways. For me, it is complex. It is more of a feeling. I tend to listen to my gut, to follow my instinct. One thing about me is that I am not afraid to take a risk. Even if it does not make sense to anyone else, I try to tune into myself and follow my own lead. For me, it has never been about money, and it never will be. I get it; money is nice to have. But it will never define me or dictate my direction in life. Some of the greatest things in my life have cost me nothing.   

Truthfully, it has been a journey to get to where I am today. For a long while, I was completely lost, living a life that I had built, yet not even knowing why I had laid the foundation in the first place. It is easy to get stuck in a rut, to feel displaced in your own life. It can take great effort to tune out the noise of those around you and tune into yourself. As I entered my forties, I decided to break free from where I held myself captive. I embraced thoughts that I previously held at bay. I spoke my truth. I started dancing if I felt like it. I told people to fuck off. I loved harder than I ever had. I cut people out who were headed in a different direction than me. I struggled with self-identity, with feelings of worthlessness and despair. I watched my children become adults and knew the last half of my life was upon me. I remember being younger, times when money was sparse, and I was constantly dreaming. Always wanting to live in a nicer house, be thinner, have more friends, and wanting to travel to distant lands. It was in my forties when I awoke from the chaos in my brain. I realized how much love was in my home with my mom and dad, and I couldn't think of a more beautiful place in the world. It was in my forties when I embraced the vision that I saw in the mirror. I have fluctuated up and down in weight and learned to love myself regardless of my pants size. It was in my forties when I realized that I would rather have a few true friends than a hundred fake ones. It was in my forties that I traveled to many places and realized that the same damn problems will follow you anywhere. But so will the same happiness if you will let it into your heart. 

I am still a work in progress. I have many things to sort out, but I am proud of who I am, where I come from, and where I am headed. I try never to pass up time with people I love. I am working harder than I ever have to put energy into things that bring me joy and ignite passion in my soul. Most importantly, I will pass up unsolicited advice and ignore friend requests from people who refuse to say hello in public. I am not interested in pity parties, sob stories, or excuses. I will find my own way, as I always have. No, thank you, I will pass on what is offered to me because there are always strings attached, and I refuse to be tethered.